Those Quiet Eyes
by Urby
Summary: Set before "Lose Theyself". Would like to be thought of as Colloyd fluff.


O.o; Where the hey did _this_ come from? Yep, me writing fluff! (by some standards) Colette and Lloyd, duh. Blah, am I sure I wrote this? It seems...so unlike me. Whatever. It took a lot of kicking myself (must stop playing Phantom Brave and getting distracted! Oooh, there's pen marks on my keyboard...must admire. 'Scuse me.) to get this out, you'd better like it. Takes place before "Lose Thy Self", before Colette loses her soul, but after she's unlocked most of the seals so she can't talk/feel/ect.  
If that was a spoiler, than I'm (not) sorry. Your fault for reading.  
You no likey Colloyd? Disrespect Colette, or like Shelloyd? THEN DON'T READ. Yes, it's that stupidly simple. Don't waste your time reading if you dun like, and don't waste mine by reading your flames. Thankee.  
Makes a small reference to "Teacakes". Blink and you'll miss it.

Urby: All I want for Christmas is to write fluff like Lil-Samuu!  
Copyright people: (get lawsuits ready)  
Urby: And...Namco, which owns TOS. Which proves I don't have it. Now shoo, you copyright ppl. Happy Christmas and what. Go home! (picks up Seldom, Phantom Brave style) I confine you to this computer, Seld! Now go be useful and kick some annoying-people butt with that there frying pan o' yers.  
Seldom: Uh, Urbs? I'm not a phantom, you can't confine me.  
Urby: Then hurry up and get these people outta my sight before I make you into one.

_I am just a frail violet in the grand court, overshadowed by grander roses, all so much more attractive than I...  
__So tell me, and be honest:  
__Why did you notice me? _

_Love's greatest enemy is doubt._

_-Quoth à la Urby (I certainly hope so!)

* * *

_

I honestly liked being in the other's company, but not as much at night. While everyone else was asleep, I was the only one up. Sleeping and dreaming...a thing I used to be able to take part in, but now denied the right. While the others prepared themselves for slumber, I stood aside, feeling completely alien.  
Staying up all night was a long and dreary task, so I had to think up things so I wasn't bored to death. Tonight was no exception. I had a few textbooks out for the occasion. They were all in a pile, fastened together by a belt. Now that I had them, I didn't really have much of a clue what I was going to _do_.  
I took them into my hands and wondered if practicing balance lessons would be possible if I couldn't exactly feel them on my head. Shrugging, I placed them there and walked around, arms out for balance.  
It was times like this I wished I had grace, as I stumbled on, and on top of, some random thing. The random thing tumbled along with me to land in a heap. We crashed onto the floor, landing on top of each other.  
"Colette, is that you?" the thing asked, blinking in the darkness. "What are you doing walking around at this hour?"  
Lloyd. The very thought of his name made me feel so...odd, like someone yanked out my tongue or something. Whatever it was, I always felt more conscious around him, trying my best not to be clumsy. However, this heightened nervousness only increased my chances of falling over the next trippable thing. I sighed and wondered if he felt the same way I did.  
_No, he probably doesn't. Remember, this is Lloyd you're talking about, the guy so dense he'd sink right through lead.  
_Lloyd cleared his throat and asked gently that I would get off him.  
Reluctantly, I untangled myself from him. The books were scattered and I felt for them in the dark.  
Lloyd turned on a lamp, illuminating the room slightly. "Need help?"  
I nodded, placing a few I'd found into a pile. He knelt and helped me gather them, pausing every once in a while to look at me. I couldn't make out his features in the dim light, but his constant staring made me feel nervous.  
He reached out and put a hand on my cheek. The only way I knew his hand was there was that I saw him place it there. It was enough to startle me.  
"Are you alright?"  
He had his gloves off, like he always did at night. I realized how little I saw him without them. It reminded me about how people disguise their flaws, cover themselves up...how little they show of their real selves...  
And it made me wonder where that thought came from...  
"Your face is smiling...but your eyes...are so sad," he sighed, shifting into a kneeling position.  
I've heard of someone feeling "warm and fuzzy" when a loved one is near, but I never had felt the feeling before, until now. I didn't feel the warm, but I certainly felt uncomfortably fuzzy. It wasn't that I didn't like the feeling, it just...frightened me. I never really experienced any type of love before, not even family love. Sure, I wasn't abused or anything, my father and grandmother cared for me, but it was always a kind of halfhearted love, investing in something that would just die anyway.  
There were many times where I thought I was being treated like something with an expiration date.  
"Colette?" Lloyd said softly, worried by my lack of reaction. He reached out with his other hand and took one of mine in it.  
What I wouldn't have given then to feel his touch...  
_No,_ I thought, shaking my head to clear it. I couldn't love someone; it was against all my teachings. I looked down at the floor, not wanting to look at him.  
_Ditch all the teachings! Run away with him, you know you wanna.  
_Lloyd looked ready to say something, but seemed uncertain. His eyes fell to the ground.  
_Ain't that floor just dandy?  
_Lloyd pulled me into an embrace hesitantly, expecting something, but I wasn't sure what.  
I sighed, sure of it now. I did love him, but I had to leave him to make to world a better place for everyone.  
_But the question is: will it be a better place for him? Without you, he'd be nothing...  
_Would he? Sure, he worried about me and such, but everyone else did as well. Certainly I wasn't _that_ important to him. He cared about me like a friend...nothing more. If he cared about me any more, he didn't show it.  
I nuzzled him gently, cursing softly when I couldn't feel him. Says before I had to unlock the last seal, I realize I love him, and now I have to die. Nothing's fair. There would be so many things I'd miss out on, people I'd miss...  
But that was nothing compared to restoring the world. One klutzy little girl's opinions paled in comparison.  
Nothing's fair...

**Author's notes:  
**Why the hey are they called author's notes? They're not notes. They're more like "author's closing words". Whatever.  
No, I don't know who the voice sometimes in italics is. I don't even know who the one for Shadow is either. I have the idea they're the same entity, just different as Shadow and Colette are two very different people.  
Must now go play Phantom Brave and be distracted by pen marks on keyboards.

Oh, and before I forget, happy Christmahannakwansika, and for those atheists out there, have a nice day.


End file.
